Dummkopf
by HoratiosBabyMama
Summary: Duncan is mad because Horatio just can't seem to speak English around the the punk. And Duncan finds it...hot? Duncan/Horatio, still need a name for these two. Warnings for foreign languages and Horatio's wicked tongue.


**I just wanted to prove a point that German could be sexier than French, I own nothing except Horatio. Also this is an AU. Warning for Horatio's wicked tongue.**

**888**

One thing Duncan Kraft knew for sure in life was that being friends with Horatio Takanori was never boring. Which when presented with a "normal" life, you'd choose crazy over normal right?

Fine, you wouldn't but Duncan would, what can he say? He had a death wish.

Which is why Duncan was annoyed but not shocked when his dorm mate started rambling in German.

He looked up from the bowl of ice cream he was currently enjoying immensely, licking some hot fudge from his lip. Horatio had his nose buried in a book, for once free of his usual fedora, white hair ruffled and sticking up at odd angles. He burrowed deeper into the recliner he occupied and seemed to be refusing to look at the punk on the couch.

"_Wie isst Eis sexy? Seien Sie vorsichtig oder ich werde Sie gegen die nächste Wand werfen und werde Ihre Gehirne draußen ficken."_

Duncan raised an eyebrow and slid another spoonfull of melting sticky sweetness into his mouth. He'd only understood one word of that and he wasn't sure if it was in good context or bad.

"Something wrong dude?" he asked, eyes flicking between the Asian and the TV which was blasting some metal music video.

Horatio put the book down on the coffee table that separated them and looked confused.

"No, everything's fine Dunk," he shrugged his shoulders loosely and gave Duncan a lazy smile that Duncan always thought made the metrosexual look stoned.

"Kay, practicing a new language or something?" he scraped the last of the ice cream out of the bowl and made quick work of swallowing it. Horatio chuckled.

"Nah, I've known German for awhile," he said before grabbing the remote and changing the channel to some crappy reality show. The Asian was addicted to trash TV.

Duncan wasn't completely happy with the explanation but shrugged it off and heaved himself off the couch to go put his empty bowl in the sink.

Horatio speaking different languages wasn't new, he spoke Japanese fluently because of his family and he grew up in a French city so the language of romance was almost required. Hell, even Duncan spoke French, only because his parole officer had made him take lessons as punishment when they realized solitary confinement didn't work.

In the long run, it had worked out though. Being assigned a room mate like Shio, you had to be prepared. The first day, Horatio had called Duncan a gutless monkey in French and was extremely impressed when the punk not only understood but also pinned him to the floor in a flash of rage.

So since French was out, the Asian used his native tongue to annoy the punk. Saying random Japanese phrases that he knew Duncan didn't understand. He could be giving the punk a compliment, but he'd say it in a way that sounded like an insult and then they'd end up fighting and both would go to classes the next day with black eyes or bruised cheeks. But Duncan was starting to learn a few choice words meant, didn't stop him from decking the other male though. And yet, somehow, Horatio had become his best friend, fighting was just their way of bonding.

Duncan chuckled to himself and cleaned out the bowl, leaving it in the sink to dry. He wandered back towards the couch just as Shio was standing. He tossed the remote to Duncan.

"I've got a paper to finish," he muttered, stepping across the small common room to his bedroom door. "And you've got chocolate on your lip," he opened his door and Duncan heard more German before the Asian disappeared inside.

"_Gott Können, ich bitte es ab für Sie lecken?"_

Duncan slowly reached up to wipe at his mouth, why had Shio sounded so _angry_?

-

Duncan was slowly coming to hate the German language for two reasons. The first, Horatio had been using the foreign tongue increasingly over the past few weeks so that almost every other sentence out of his mouth was incomprehensible to Duncan. And it seemed that every time Shio used German, it meant he was about to run off and fume or something.

Like last week, they were running from a campus guard when they had been caught tagging the side of the library. They had ducked into a small alcove and were pressed against each other until they heard the guard pass them by. Duncan had let out a sigh of relief but Horatio's mouth was turned down in a frown and his usually warm slanted eyes were hidden beneath the brim of his hat.

"That was close huh? Wanna sneak back tonight and finish that graffiti of Prof Higgins?" Duncan smiled eagerly and Horatio just bit his lip.

"_Können Sie wie viel nicht sehen, das ich Sie will? Wenn Sie so nah bleiben, werde ich mich begeben, zu vergewaltigen Duncan"_

He'd then pushed Duncan away and stormed off, muttering some words that sounded like "kalte dusche"

Or just yesterday, this annoying girl had been trying to flirt with Duncan during their P.E. class and Duncan had rolled his eyes at Shio who smirked but then the girl had gone so far as to pinch Duncan's ass and the punk had told her to back off while Shio muttered darkly to himself.

"_Hände ab Honig. Und selbstverständlich kann sie berühren der perfektioniert Arsch aber ich kann nicht?"_

It was so frustrating, was he mad at Duncan? He didn't think so because for the most part, Horatio was treating him normally. Teasing, joking, fighting like always but then, these random moments would end with Horatio angry and Duncan confused.

The second reason Duncan was starting to hate the German language was because it was just so damn _sexy_.

Duncan had always seen German as a harsh language, something you yelled when you were angry but Horatio muttering it softly to himself was so…hot.

Yeah, Duncan wasn't afraid to admit he liked his roomie. The Asian was gorgeous, funny and way less annoying than any girl Duncan had ever dated. And he knew from late night sleep-deprived study sessions that the older male was pansexual so the punk at least had a chance of not being rejected right?

But with Horatio haphazardly getting pissed and running off so often now, Duncan was uneasy. Although if Shio didn't stop with the sexy foreign stuff, Duncan was gonna jump him sooner or later. Probably sooner if he kept doing that lip biting thing.

-

Duncan sighed as he stepped out of the steam-filled bathroom, adjusting his boxers to a more comfortable position against his damp skin. Toweling off his drenched hair, deciding to save restyling his mohawk for the morning, he found Horatio sitting on the sofa, typing away at his laptop.

"Bathroom's free dude," he ruffled up his hair, letting the damp 'hawk fall against his skull.

The Asian looked up, once again free of the hat that never seemed to leave his head. Duncan was willing to admit to himself that those white locks against that caramel skin were really amazing. But don't tell anyone.

Cocoa colored eyes widened at Duncan's lack of clothing but Horatio quickly masked it.

"Kay thanks Dunk," he set his laptop aside and stretched his arms above his head, showing off a sliver of muscled stomach. Duncan smirked.

Horatio stood and stepped towards Duncan, passing him on the way to the bathroom.

"_Sie schauen ergötzlich an Kraft, will mich, Ihnen mit den Boxern zu helfen__?"_

This was whispered almost sensually in Duncan's ear and the punk felt his heartbeat quicken. Verdammt!

He grabbed Shio's wrist before the Asian could escape and yanked Shio close to glare at the slightly taller male.

"Something wrong Duncan?" Shio chuckled but his eyes were serious and unblinking.

"You have to stop with all this German crap," Duncan growled, "It's driving me crazy in more ways than one, so either tell me what you're saying or stop it all together," his jaw was clenched and he stared at Horatio, waiting for a reaction. He watched his features go from confusion to a smile so smug; Duncan was reminded of a cat.

"You want me to stop?" Horatio grabbed Duncan's wrists and held them against his chest, stepping closer, his smile almost feral.

"_Schaltet es Sie ein?__" _the Asian was practically purring, completing the feline resemblance.

"I just want to know what you're saying," Duncan swallowed hard, wishing he had his knife or something to distract him from Horatio's denim-covered hips pressing against his own.

"Oh Duncan, it's very simple," he chuckled darkly and lowered his head so they were eye level. The Asian's eyes were almost black and his smile turned tender.

"Ich. Will. Zu. _Fick_. Sie." Each word was like silk and each syllable sent blood out of Duncan's head to more…interesting places.

"Still don't understand?" Shio's voice was barely a whisper as he closed the distance between them. Duncan smirked against those soft lips.

"Oh I think I understand," he wasted no time in deepening the kiss and grinding against the older male, basking in the resulted gasp.

The passionate kiss quickly died down to tender pecks and curious tongues before Shio rested his forehead against Duncan's and the punk smiled.

"So all the German and running away was because you liked me?" he held back his chuckle as the Asian blushed.

"I wasn't running away, I was saving you from being jumped. You drive me crazy baka," he rolled his eyes and it was Duncan's turn to turn pink.

"Now that word I understand," he scoffed with a playful glare before he smiled. "I learned some German last night," he said and Horatio's lustful look was back with full force.

"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow elegantly. Duncan nodded and leaned in to nip at Shio's earlobe.

"Ich will Sie," he growled and loved how Horatio shivered pleasurably, "_Jetzt_."

Horatio pulled him into a heated kiss before leaning back and taking his hand.

"Bettzimmer?" he smiled playfully, tilting his head in the direction of his room.

Duncan responded with a grin before he was tugged swiftly into the dark bedroom.

Oh Hell Ja!

888

Baka is Japanese for idiot. But I'm sure a lot of you knew that. Also I made Duncan's last name Kraft becuz that's Force in German and I found it fitting.

So this was written because I was the only one of my friends to take German in school and they always teased me with the usual German stereotypes "Wiener Schnitzel" and Schwarzenegger impressions. But I personally think German is a pretty language and wanted to prove that using a very hot Asian as my aide.

Hope you enjoyed this. Here's the translations, Shio's such a naughty boy:

_Wie isst Eis sexy? Seien Sie vorsichtig oder ich werde Sie gegen die nächste Wand werfen und werde Ihre Gehirne draußen ficken._– How is eating ice cream sexy? Be careful or I'll throw you against the wall and fuck your brains out.

_Gott Können, ich bitte es ab für Sie lecken__? _– God, can I please lick it off for you?

_Können Sie wie viel nicht sehen, das ich Sie will? Wenn Sie so nah bleiben, werde ich mich begeben, zu vergewaltigen__ Duncan _– Can't you see how much I want you? If you stay this close, I will resort to rape Duncan.

_Kalte Dusche _– Cold shower

_Hände ab Honig. Und selbstverständlich kann sie berühren der perfektioniert Arsch aber ich kann nicht?_– Hands off Honey. And of course she can touch that perfect ass but I can't?

_Sie schauen ergötzlich an Kraft, will mich, Ihnen mit den Boxern zu helfen__? _– You look delectable Kraft; want me to help you with those boxers?

_Shaltet es Sie ein? _– Does it turn you on?

_Ich will zu fick sie _– I want to fuck you

_Ich will Sie Jetzt _– I want you. Now.

_Bettzimmer _– Bedroom

Does anyone agree that German can be romantic and sexy?


End file.
